I Have Cracked

I have cracked
And now I attempt to put the pieces back together
Recovery is not smooth like honey
To swallow my pain
Is to swallow steak knives
But pain can never become progress without some wounds and scars
What constitutes heartbreak?
I have never been in love
But I know the ache that latches onto your bones after lack of reciprocity
I know the fear of the ocean being possessive
And never wanting to give you back
I know the rash that is nostalgia
Its only duty to distract and irritate
How does one feel cold in the summertime?
There’s a freedom that comes with longer days
The sun’s got you and stays up a little longer
Pushing back your curfew
But freedom is a destination I cannot seem to reach
Freedom is a luxury
Peace of mind only comes sometimes
So in the meantime I wallow away
and hide from the sun
My doubts are the only shadows I can see
I become more and more familiar with my downfalls
Until I can no longer try
Until I am comfortable in monotony
Monotony drains all purpose from my fingertips
Until I become numb
Being present doesn’t mean I’m really present
I am taking my mistakes as souvenirs
All I want is your sympathy
And to have a pity party of two
But I can be stagnant no longer
This cocoon of a comfort zone is starting to itch
Claustrophobic in complacency
Nothing came to me there
I have cracked
But one can never experience triumph
without taking a step down first